Okay. This may seem like a pitty post, but I don't care. This whole process of fostering is really pissing me off!
We still have Rose. I finally talked the SW today and the parents are trying to get Rose. They have 1 month to comply with the courts orders. If they succeed it's bye bye Rose. If they don't then the paternal grandma wants Rose. If she goes to the grandma it may take up to 6 months for the transition since she lives out of state.
I guess we signed up for this, but not over and over. I really rely on my faith to get me by day to day and in situations like this. I KNOW that we are suppossed to have more children. I feel so strongly that our little baby is out there and was hoping is was Rose.
Here's the Pitty part:
So I am just so envious of women who can get pregnant, one way or another, and take their baby home and not have to fight to keep them. I know there has to be a purpose for all of this. I am glad that we can be a safe home for these babies.
I feel that the courts don't care didly squat about us Foster Parents. I feel like we are baby sitters. No one considers our feelings or that the child may have bonded to us. It's all about reuniting w/the birth family or relatives. Washington state's court system has changed a lot since we adopted Dom. It's much harder now to adopt.
So what the crap are we suppossed to do? We are barely surviving, income wise, and can't afford an adoption agency. Even if we could I really don't think that a stay-at-home mom and a laborer would look very appealing to a birth parent to chose us to adopt their baby.
I am looking for a miracle! I need a miracle! Vince and I just want to add to our family. Is that so much to ask?
Now there's the patience thing. It's hard! When I want a baby, I want a baby! I am grateful for Angel and Rose; that I was able to care for them. I feel so empty w/out a baby since Angel. Their spirit just feel my heart and our home.
I want to keep Rose sooooooooo badly! She fits so well in our family.
A lot of people tell me that I'm strong. This is my weak side.
I am feeling depressed and it effects Dom. I don't like feeling this way!
Dominic
6 yrs old
Lily
4 yrs old
Sara
19 months old
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Feeling Down
at 11:34 PM
Labels: Foster-Adopt
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
renee, i dont know how hard that can be but it makes me mad at the courts. do they not even really think about the babies? I mean how safe is it to go back to their parents. ugh! im thinking of you often.
Oh Renee' - - I will keep you in my prayers! I can't imagine what you have had to go through. I don't get pregnant super easy -it took 1 1/2 years to get our first- and I also miscarried - - and that was hard enough. I do evenutally get pregnant - so I can't ever complain. Just know that my heart is going out to you!
Renee,
I'm so sorry that you are experiencing these difficult times. Isn't it strange how Heavenly Father chooses to teach us? Maybe these babies need a safe and happy start to their lives that they wouldn't have gotten without you. Also, you have taught me so much about being a mother and how special it is. Everytime I read your blog I'm reminded that we are all mothers no matter the circumstances. You have taught me so much, and maybe Heavenly Father is using you as a teaching tool to all the other mothers out there.
I'm so proud of you!
Don't be too hard on yourself. I would be worried about you if you DIDN'T have those feelings because they are all normal reactions to a very difficult situation. Your family has had so many ups and downs. It seems unfair, but we are taught that these challenges will be a blessing if they are met with patience. You are so sweet and you have such a good heart. You love Dom and try each day to be a good mom. We all have guilt trips we deal with as parents (I struggle with that daily). That's normal, too, and it shows that you are a good mom because you're aware that your actions and choices affect your child and you want nothing but the best for him. Keep in mind that many people love you and keep you and your family in their prayers.
I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time. I was talking to Mary on Sunday about you getting a new baby and we were both so excited. I was saynig how I hoped you didn't get messed around this time because I couldn't imagine how hard that would be. I'm so sorry things aren't looking good again. It's hard to get your hopes up and then knocked down again and doing that same thing over and over. My Mom fostered kids when we grew up and it was really hard sometimes to let go of some of the kids we had for a long time, especially one we had from when she was 5-8 years old. She was going to get adopted and we wanted to but they wouldn't let us because her Mom lived really close. She then went to another placement for about 2 years, finally got adopted by another family after that. As soon as she turned 18 she went straight back to her Mom, now has 2 kids and not married, how sad! It made me really mad with the social work system because if they had let her stay with us she would have been fine, still seen her Mom but would have had a strong base so she probably wouldn't have ended up like she is. I really hope things work out for you, it's hard to be in the moment and to think positively but we alwas need to remember that Heavenly Father knows what's best for us, we may not always like what we're given but it's for a reason, it's just hard to see that reson sometimes!
Sweetheart-I'm so sorry about everything that you're going through. I agree with you, the court is just stupid and the same situation happened with your angel too...when will they learn that the babies are better off with someone who really wants to love them...my heart goes out to you. As a teacher I saw how broken many of the families my kids had and how much it affected their learning and behaviors. I often wonder how differently those troubled kids would act if they had a good family who loved them just like you love yours. You truly are an amazing mother and I look up to you. Don't let the stupid system beat you down! I know that you're strong :) I wish that I could make you feel better...but I'm probably not doing a very good job. I do know that Christ can take away your burden and make you feel much better. Just keep being you, you're doing great and I know that the Lord is proud of you. Always put the Lord first and He will take care of the rest. Keep paying your tithing and do the small and simple things, such as praying, scripture reading...etc. I know you're already doing a great job, so keep it up! I love you and know that I'll be here for you whenever you need me! Sleep well :)
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and Vince again. You definitely deserve it you and Vince both are good people and good parents. I would be just as heartbroken and sad inside honestly I don't know how you stand it without completely losing it so sweetie in that sense you are strong because you haven't, it's normal to be heartbroken and sad. This makes me so angry at the courts. I don't know why this is happening to you and Vince you certainly don't deserve it you are a good person with a good heart and you are a very good mother to Dominic. Hang in there sweetie do try to remember although it is hard that even when it feels like we are going to break in half that the Lord won't give us more than we can handle. Rely on him to help give you the strength you need to get through this. Hugs to you hon.
sorry renee there was a typo i meant to say that you guys don't deserve what is happening to you sorry about that i didn't catch the typo until after the comment posted my bad
I just saw this post...I am sorry. I just wish that I could do something to help you get a baby. I wish that you didn't have to go through this. I wish that I had the answers.
Does the CW really think the birth parents will be able to do what they are required to do? And what about the Grandmother. Have they done a back ground check on the Grandmother? Maybe you could somehow talk to the Grandmother...and show her how much you LOVE rose and how good you are taking care of her. Maybe by email??? Maybe if the Birth parents don't do what they need too, and maybe if she sees that Rose is doing so well in your home and you will keep in contact with her so she will know her granddaughter, she will not push things. Just a thought. I am sure she just wants to be the grandma and not the parent again. If she can still be the grandmother, and you guys the parent it could work? I don't know....It would be hard to do this, but I think that is what might have happened with us and Bug's Maternial Grandmother...I think she realized just how much we loved Bug and that he was in good hands. She gets letters and pictures often so that she knows what he has been up too.
The fact that it could be several months for the Grandmother could work in your favor....since Rose would have bonded with you guys.
I seriously love you. We will be praying for your family. We send our love!
Here you are 4 months later, with 2 babies! That is so awesome!
Post a Comment