Another Let Down

We got a call from CPS last Thursday. They told us that we were probably going to get Lily back. The BM messed up and there was enough red flags to hold a hearing. The court hearing was on Friday. We waiting all day long on Friday to find out the judge's decision. Finally at 4:45 pm the social worker called and the judge decided to give the BM another chance. Just our luck! It also turns out that we don't really have a chance to get her back as there are family members that would take her.
So goodbye once again to Lily. I was upset but didn't shed a tear.
Before the SW hung up she offered us a brand new african american baby boy that was born that morning. Sadly I declined since we are waiting for a baby girl. I hope that they found a good home for that baby boy.
I have a friend that has restored the hope in me. It's hard to believe that one of these days we will actually get our baby girl. It's a lot harder this time around than w/Dominic. I am grateful though for having 5 blissful days w/Lily when she was born. I was so happy and she was too. If anything we gave her a safe place for those days.
It filled the void of having to wait for a baby then. But now it's difficult. I have a beautiful purple Tinker Bell themed room that's waiting for a litte angel to fill it!
I long for that sound of a newborn, to protect and love. I long to see the progression of that baby from our doing. I look at Dom now and what a beautiful little boy he's becoming and all because of us.
Thanks for listening to my woes on this subject.